Doubt

When I started writing this blog, I told myself I was always going to be completely honest in everything I wrote. With that in mind, sometimes it is hard to write things. This is one of those times.

I don’t know about you, but there are times when I doubt. Sometimes I doubt people, things, and if I’m totally honest, sometimes I doubt God. I don’t question the existence of Him and maybe it’s not God that I’m doubting. What is it that I’m questioning?

I guess I tend to question things when I’m most scared. When I start thinking about death, specifically my death. I can say I know and believe in God and I do, truly, but there’s something about thinking about my death that scares me. I guess many people feel this way thinking about our own mortality. We will die one day. Could be today, tomorrow, next year, or many years from now.

If you’ve ever been with someone when they died, it is a very special, spiritual thing. I was with my daddy when he died, and it was very peaceful. I remember laughing for him through my tears. What happens after we die? How will I die? I guess that’s what I’m most scared of.

But in thinking about all this, I have come to realize that fear of dying only increases my faith in God. What else can it do? It doesn’t make me doubt more. I think that is why we need to read our Bibles every day. To get to know God, who He is and His promises to us. To grow our faith. To really and truly believe especially when things are going not so good for us.

I love this version of the song It Is Well With My Soul. When we sing this song in worship, I almost always tear up and cry. Knowing the story behind the man who wrote it and remembering that while singing it, is very emotional.

Ultimately, I know it is well with my soul. No matter what happens in this life, I cannot be separated from God. As a Christian my soul will return to Him when I die. I know that will all my heart. That is what I focus on when I’m scared.